The Instruction Permit.

I am twenty-one years old and unlicensed.

The story goes a little something like this:

I dropped out of high school in the middle of my freshman year. I’d been having seizures and anxiety issues that combined and combusted, causing a total intolerance for the high school atmosphere as well as my peers. There was this intense point in the cafeteria when I felt like I was hearing every single stupid little melodramatic and arrogant conversation being held as if it were right inside my head. They were all so loud, obnoxious and unnecessary. I had a flash of the big picture and realized I did not, for a twinkling, want to spend four years getting caught up in teenage culture.

So, in short, driver’s ed was out of the picture unless I felt like paying the 500 clams.

The years rolled by and my desire to drive decreased to the point of nonexistence. Frankly, cars are a waste of money and driving is a waste of time. Do you people have any idea how much of your lives you spend in the car doing nothing? As a passenger, I can do all sorts of things. As a driver, I have to drive. The end.

Also, cars seem like they are never a good investment. There are always going to be problems and constant upkeep. The fuel is too expensive and the automobile is murdering our planet. Can anyone, with good conscience, support this foolish industry? The driving culture became on par with the once-loathed teenage culture.

So then why did I, a day ago, pass a ridiculously simple driving permit test (I swear there were ten questions- this permits me to drive somehow)?

One possible answer: I’m caving. I’m giving into societal norms.

Another possibility: I’m tired of being dependant on everyone to get places. SO much in my life has been the way it is because I can’t drive myself and have never wanted to. Now that I’m going to be a mama, I don’t want to need the world to drive me around. Very simply, this is freedom.

Scary, I-have-no-idea-how-much-room-the-car-takes-up-on-the-road freedom.

(wish me luck)